Cancer Free but treatment drags on…

Hello Team KLB,

Welp, it’s been 8 weeks since my surgery (as of tomorrow). I can’t believe it’s been 8 weeks. The first few weeks passed slow, but the month of January has flown by. A friend from support group messaged me the day before surgery to help reassure me and to tell me that her surgery really wasn’t something that she remembers well because it really wasn’t that bad. While I couldn’t believe it then, I do believe it now. I do remember many details of my surgery, but it really wasn’t all that bad. (Thank goodness!!!!)

After reading a friend’s blog, I’m going to take my inspiration from her and do a little Q & A section.

Q: Are you bored yet? / What do you do with your time?

A: Nope. Between crafts, my dollhouse project, visits from friends, exercising, reading, nutrition schoolwork, cooking, housework, and doctors appointments/ treatments, I don’t have time to be bored.

Q: Do you miss work?

A: Not really, but a little bit. I am looking forward to the “new” teacher that I’ll be. As I’ve said before, this has completely and forever changed me, so I’m excited to see that carry over to me as a teacher.

Q: Are you going back to work this year?

A: Yes. The date has been pushed back several times, but it’s finally at a point that I feel comfortable with. Feb. 23rd I go back 50% (half days M-F) and then full time on March 16. Many people have asked why. Here’s the long story: In my teacher’s union we have a Catastrophic Leave Bank for just such occasions. You can choose to opt in and donate one of your ten days each year to the bank. (We get to bank our personal days each year.) So I had 33 of my own “sick” days to use to start the year off. After that I’ve been collecting days from the bank. This means that I’m currently not using disability and therefore am getting full pay. I don’t want to take advantage of the days from the bank and so I’m choosing to go back at the end of treatment. Hopefully that wasn’t too long/confusing!

Q: What size are you going for?

A: C cup. My coconuts were a very full D cup, and a little more than I wanted, so I’m downsizing. But this feels like a very small C cup, if that. My expanders fit 500 ccs of fluid and as of today they are full. (Yay!) So I can’t have them add any more fluid and the radiated skin won’t stretch well, so they can’t stretch it during my swap out surgery. So this is about as big as I’ll get. Not a big deal, but I’m a bit bummed.

Q: How do they fill the expanders?

A: My plastic surgeon uses a magnet to find the magnet in my expander (like a stud finder :), then marks my skin. Next, he cleans the area with iodine, then fills a syringe with saline and pokes it into the skin and then injects the fluid. He empties the syringe, unscrews the syringe, LEAVES THE NEEDLE IN, fills the syringe again, screws it back in, and then empties that syringe into my expander. Repeat on left expander. Each syringe holds 50 ccs, and I was having him do 100 ccs per doctor visit (hence the refilling of the syringe). I told Jim that this is what it feels like to be a bike tire or a basketball being inflated. I only felt a little poke for each needle and then a bit of discomfort as the skin stretches to make room for the new fluid. Overall, very painless for me.

Q: What’s your timeline like?

A: Regularly scheduled radiation starts on 2/9. 25 sessions (5 days/ week for 5 weeks). It will be finished by March 13th. Six months after radiation, I can have the swap out surgery. I’ve been told it’s easier than the original surgery, with a quicker recovery. After that (I’m guessing mid October) I’ll have nipples made. The plastic surgeon makes some cuts in the skin and sutures the skin in a way to make a protrusion. After that is finished, he can tattoo an areola on (I’m hoping mid November). Around the one year anniversary of my remission (my re birth day – 12/8) we will be having a huge celebration. Stay tuned for more details. So today was my radiation simulation. Basically they make you lay in a table for a hour and figure out exactly where they are going to radiate you. It’s long and a bit uncomfortable, but mostly uneventful. Except at the end, when they gave me two tattoos. They are very small dots, one on the right side of my rib cage (didn’t hurt), and one on my breast bone (hurt). I thought that radiation would start right after (tomorrow). WRONG! They have to review some stuff, and blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t start for two more weeks. There goes my timeline again!

Here’s an assortment of random thoughts that have crossed my mind lately. In no particular order: A friend of a friend, Melissa Galvin, a former 49ers cheerleader, just lost her battle with breast cancer. She was 34. She had breast cancer several years ago, and it had come back after being in remission. She has been on my mind a LOT lately. This is a fear that I will live with everyday.

While in Anaheim, I was able to meet Jim’s drumming buddy Justin. We had an instant bond. He has a rare heart condition and initially his odds weren’t very good. He also knows what’s it’s like to wonder if you’ll be the person that dies tragically young. Luckily, he just celebrated his 3rd rebirth day. It was really great to meet him.

Someone women choose not have reconstruction. I always knew I would do reconstruction, but for the time that I didn’t have any breasts at all, for about 3 weeks, it was so awkward. I felt the need to tell everyone everywhere I went, strangers included, that I just had a mastectomy and that’s why I looked like this. This helped me to know that immediate reconstruction was the right path for me.

A lot of hardships for my work family in 2014. I won’t to into detail here, as they are not my stories to tell, but it has been really challenging for me to deal with these sad times for others. And while this might sound crazy (I take pride in being honest and open on my blog) I’m really a little worried that there might be some sort of curse. I know, crazy, right, but it’s my fear.

Yesterday I started the Living Strong, Living Well program at the YMCA. It is a free program for cancer survivors to help regain strength, flexibility, and coordination. I was the youngest person there. Luckily, a friend from support group is doing it with me (Yay!), so I won’t have to go it alone. I’m hoping that this will help put me on the road to shedding this chemo weight. I’ve also started physical therapy on my knees for pain that I was having last spring. The knee pain has only increased with the loss of my muscle mass during chemo and after surgery.

This year I didn’t make any New Years resolutions, but I have some resolutions that I made after I was diagnosed. Basically: Live everyday to the fullest. I’m still trying to work on this one. Nothing is as shitty as hearing, “Katie, I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but you have cancer”, so all the little stupid shit is not worth my time and energy. Also, make time for the people that are important in your life, see them, talk to them, be there for them, because our time here is too short.

Ok, that’s all folks! Thanks for all that you are Team KLB!

Xoxoxoxoxo,

Katie

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